WHAT A YES-AND-YET LIST IS AND WHY IT’S PART OF MY SELF CARE ROUTINE

What began as a standard, to-do list in the weeks before moving to a new city over a year ago, has now become a means of self-care and a reminder that, yes, I, Rhianna, can do this.

I don’t know if it’s my blindness, my anxiety, or just being an “adult” trying to figure out “life,” but I have a heck of a time giving credit where credit’s due … But only when it comes to myself.

In my brain, success never comes through my own skills and determination, but because of the support I’m given by friends, family and professionals. Somehow, the support I receive invalidates my contributions to succeed, and thus, I can’t take credit for it or feel a sense of accomplishment in my own success.

Short story long? If I get help with a project, I can’t be proud of myself because I didn’t do it independently.

I can’t take any credit.

Y’all know that I love a good list. I make them for everything—grocery shopping, house cleaning, which items are for sale and which are going to the thrift shop, planning blog posts, so it wasn’t a surprise then, that when I decided to move to a new city, I started a list of all the things I needed to get done. Here are a few of the first things that I wrote down:

  • Find somewhere to live on the island
  • Give month’s notice to landlords
  • Apply for dog license
  • Book hair appointment
  • Sign rental agreement and addendum
  • Send damage deposit
  • Send code for door keypad
  • Write 2020 review
  • Make eggplant parmesan quesadillas
  • Return immersion blender

Looking at a physical list of the tasks made me feel organized and ready for the challenge. Now that I knew what needed to get done, it was less overwhelming to do those things. What had felt like an impossible task in my brain—moving to a new city alone—was now doable because it was broken down into little steps. And one by one, I checked them off.

That’s how my Yes-and-Yet list was born.

But it soon became more than that.

As a record-keeping fanatic, I knew I couldn’t simply check off an item, delete it and move on. It would be as though I were deleting the very thing I’d just accomplished. And with this move marking such a significant time in my life, I knew that I’d want to look back and reminisce. But not to pat myself on the back and think, “wow, look how productive you were,” but to realize that even in times of pressure and chaos, I am capable. It was comforting after a day of planning and prep to lie in bed and review the list and know that I would be okay. With every task I checked off, I was proving to myself that I could make it on my own and follow my dream.

So, after settling into my new house, I kept my list going. And a year later, I still add daily to that original list.

Though it began as a list to organize one specific event, the Yes-and-Yet list has become my master list of everything going on in my life. From booking medical appointments to washing my dishes to when I’m expected to receive Amazon packages, anything that requires my attention goes on the list.

But why write a post about my Yes-and-Yet list when to-do lists of all manner are standard in nearly everyone’s daily life?

Here’s why.

Because I have spent years delving the depths of cyberspace to find a system of keeping myself organized so I wouldn’t drive myself crazy, and coming up blank. I’ve downloaded dozens of apps, calendars and planners, hoping that one of them would be “it.”

But it never was.
So I created my own.

My Yes-and-Yet list as my master list because it contains everything from all parts of my life. But one could argue and say that in it being a masterlist, it isn’t organized and overwhelms more than it helps.

But there is one major advantage to the master list and it’s the one reason above all else why I keep it:

Because when I feel like a failure, I get to gaze upon page after page of things that I’ve accomplished, and feel a sense of pride in myself and what I’ve done.

Sure, some of my yets and yeses are basic, daily living tasks like washing dishes (AND putting them away) and vacuuming the living room. But for someone who struggles with mental health, these can often become insurmountable challenges. And on those days, seeing even one task in the Yes column, makes a huge difference in my mental health.

It’s why I write everything down in the Yet column, so that on days when I have very little energy and am unfeeling unproductive, I can sift through the manageable tasks, check off one or two, and feel proud of myself.

It isn’t always easy, though. Living in the society that we do, there’s a constant pressure to be productive and achieve a certain level of success in each passing moment. But the simple truth is that everyone’s definition of productive is different, and that’s okay.

For me, folding and hanging all my clean laundry is a big win, whereas to others, it wouldn’t even make the list. But I’ve always believed in celebrating the little victories, because for someone out there, it’s not little. And every victory is worth celebrating.

All the thoughts spinning around inside my head don’t feel so overwhelming when one by one, I can write them down, and one by one, I can add them to the “Yes” list.

Tell me, what method do you use to keep yourself organized? Let me know in the comments.

1 Comment

  1. There’s nothing better than a list. I know where my note pad on my phone is now and actually use it. It makes me more confident that I’m not forgetting something important (and everything is important). I’ve always prided myself in being able to keep the to-do list in my head, until I discovered the hard way that I couldn’t. So for a slightly different reason than you, I keep a list. A list is an accumulated shopping list for the drug store, because makeup doesn’t all run out at the same time it takes a while for the list to grow. A list of pottery requests that come over time, or ideas that I want to try. Now I slowly learned to check the list, learning the hard way again that I couldn’t and hadn’t kept the list in my head. The settled feeling of not having forgotten anything is what matters to me. I really enjoyed your post. It’s all about the motivation for what we do that makes us unique.

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